Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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