Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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