She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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