Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
