Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
