i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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