yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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