i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
