She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
