Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you