At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
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I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
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just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.