So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
