how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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