Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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