No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
