i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
