Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
