I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
