how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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