I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
