Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
