The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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