I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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