I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
