We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
