I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
