This dress was meant to end up on your floor
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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