hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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