you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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