so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
