She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I party with great urgency now.
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