its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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