She is in my trunk
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
