I wish I could teleport
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
