u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I could fuck to npr.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
