I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
