Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
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It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
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I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
We smell like vodka and hangover
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