the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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