Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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