Do you still have your period?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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