Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
