My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
