I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
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Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
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I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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