Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
