I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
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I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
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Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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