i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize