Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
