normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
