No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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