if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
