He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
