first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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