I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
