My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
