Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
