Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
