So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
