I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
