waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
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do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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