I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
