Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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