I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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