Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
