Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
