I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize