She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
