if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
she told me i tasted like america
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
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But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
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Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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