All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
